Posts
Sunday, November 01, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Now if they'd just invent a magic pill for the exhaustion . . .
It's been three and a half days since I felt it . . . the overpowering nausea that has been the bane of my existence for about seven weeks. I'd like to say it's because I've moved past that stage of pregnancy or that it's because I've discovered some new form of hypnosis that solved the problem, but it's not. For the first time ever, I'm taking Zofran, the anti-nausea miracle pill originally intended for cancer patients. So far, it appears to be working. I haven't had to stop several times during dinner to rush to the bathroom and gag, and it's been strange to change diapers and be around lots of smells without that debilitating sensation of nausea.
Last Friday was my first appointment for this pregnancy. The doctor, after exclaiming, "Oh, you're back!" asked me how I was feeling. I told her the truth: "Awful. I hate pregnancy." She looked surprised, "You? You can't hate pregnancy!"
I get that reaction a lot, and it seems like the more children I have, the more I hear, "Oh, you must have easy pregnancies." or "But you don't get sick, do you." And in some ways, I do have it easy. I've never been hospitalized for dehydration, I've never been anemic, I've never been on bedrest, and I've never delivered a pre-term infant.
But like most women, pregnancy for me is hardly a walk in the park. It's hard to battle morning-sickness at all hours of the day for months at a time. It's hard to put aside a lot of the extras in order to focus on just getting through a challenging time. It's hard to depend more on my husband to do things I'd rather be doing for our family, such as a larger share of the cooking. And that's just the first few months -- those last few aren't exactly my favorite, either.
Recently, MSNBC reported on a story about growing epidemic -- women addicted to pregnancy. The Today show jumped on the trend with a mostly-fluffy and offensive discussion of the subject -- "What would drive women to do something like this?" they asked. The reason psychologists were called in to explain the trend? "More than a quarter of [births in 2007] were to women having their third or fourth child" -- shocking, I know. Practically unbelievable. There must be something wrong with women like that, right?
There is, according to the article. It's called being a "Bumpaholic," and it's an addiction, at least according to the "professionals" they interviewed -- "Having babies isn't addictive in the way that alcohol and narcotics can be. But bumpaholics feel compelled to procreate for many of the same reasons that substance abusers turn to booze or drugs." Women do it, they say, to fill some void in their life or to compensate for a bad childhood. "Women who are obsessed with being pregnant are literally filling an emptiness inside of them, just as alcoholics and drug addicts use substances to fill a psychological void" says one expert, ironically practicing in
Not to worry, the article notes, most couples stop at one or two children. "This is because we can use our higher brain functions to keep those instincts in check, reminding ourselves that children cost money — about $950 a month until they're 18 — and require an extraordinary amount of time and energy."
Reading an article like this, besides making me rather angry, makes me wonder, "Have any of the psuedo-professionals they quote ever BEEN pregnant?" Because there is no way, short of amnesia, that someone would do this just to get a psychological "high." There are plenty of much easier ways to seek attention.
But according to these "experts," I must have some sort of psycological addiction to pregnancy. So I did a quick inventory of all the ways my body and life has changed over the last few months, hoping to figure out which one might be filling up the emptiness inside me:
* My hair has become lifeless and brittle and is coming out by the handful.
* I've been throwing up three or four times a week this month.
* I've spent many hours on the couch, willing myself not to throw up.
* I wake at odd times of the night and have weird, obnoxious dreams.
* I'm exhausted all the time.
* I was finally losing the extra weight from some of those previous baby bumps -- I lost 12 lbs this summer -- but I've had to put that on hold.
* I was improving rapidly with my running, but I've had to cut back to just maintaining what I've gained.
* I know that having more children puts off some of my own educational goals.
* With the twins in kindergarten, I finally felt like I was catching up on many long-awaited projects, but once the morning sickness took hold, I'm back to being hopelessly behind.
* I've had to cut back on a writing project I loved.
* My house, while still acceptable, is not kept as clean as it was a few months ago.
* I've dealt with some negative comments and criticism.
Pregnancy is hard. And being pregnant when you already have a couple of kids (or more) is even harder. The chances for much-needed rest get slimmer, and the demands on the mother are much greater. And as for craving attention, some of these professionals should go out in public with a mother and her five or six "addictions" and see for themselves how many positive comments come her way.
The fact is,being a mother of a large family is largely a thankless task. Your children don't thank you because, well, they're children and they don't really understand the sacrifices entailed in bringing them up. Your husband doesn't usually thank you because he's too busy pulling his own full weight and more. The world doesn't thank you because sadly, raising good children just isn't valued anymore. Go out and make a lot of money, and you're praised to the skies. But stay home and raise thoughtful, compassionate children? There must be something wrong with you. News reporters and psychologists make up fake disorders to describe what fifty years ago would have been considered normal. Perfect strangers question your sanity, ask you about your birth control choices, and make unkind judgments.
So why DO I do this?
First, why is any explanation necessary or demanded? What happened to people having children because they like them and feel like it's a good thing to do? I love what Meagan Francis has to say about it -- "it's become suspicious even to admit that we like kids, much less that we could be reasonably happy raising them. If someone volunteers for a nonprofit or has a large circle of friends, no armchair psychologist would bother to question whether she was trying to "fill a void" with meaningful activity or companionship. It would instead be accepted that creating relationships with other human beings is a normal, natural and human desire. When did it become weird to like children, to want them . . . even more than two?" And I love this article by Rabbi Shmuley, father of nine, who says to his critics, "“As soon as I find something I enjoy as much as my kids I will have a lot of that as well.”
I do enjoy children and I believe that they are gifts from God. Each one is precious and unique, and I feel that I can do no greater work than to raise happy, smart, kind, and compassionate children. It is worth every sacrifice and every inconvenience and yes, even every stare and thinly-veiled attack in the media. It may be a cliche, worthy of a song or two ("I believe the children are our future, teach them well and let them lead the way . . ."), but I believe that what the world needs now more than ever are good people. And how do people get to be good? By and large, by learning values in a caring environment in their homes.
I'm sure I can (and eventually I probably will) write a much longer, more detailed explanation about why I have a large family, but for now, I state it simply: I believe that children are a gift from God. I enjoy raising them, and I feel I am doing an important work. I believe that children raised in good homes have the power to change the world for the better. I believe that sacrificing on behalf of the next generation is one of the ways we become refined and better human beings. Our own rough, selfish, hedonistic tendencies are worn away as we serve and love our children.
Call me old-fashioned, if you will, but don't ever call me a bumpaholic.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Victory!
This morning, I ran my first 5K race. I'm 12 weeks pregnant and sick as can be, yet I still ran. I'm not fast, as I've said before, but I ran every step of the race. I didn't walk at all, though it was tempting. The first half mile went uphill and a lot of the other runners stopped to walk it. I kept running. It was hard. The next stretch was downhill, and I passed a few spectators I knew.
There were lots of people along the route, waiting for BYU's Homecoming Parade. If I'd thought about it in advance, I would have thought, "eh, I'm not sure I'd want people to watch me run." But I didn't think much about it, and while I was running, I found it so fun to run by crowds and hear them cheer us on. There were a couple of people that picked up my number and cheered just for me -- "Go 30!" they'd say, and I'd grin, "Yeah! Me and this baby!" If I run it next year, I'm going to get me a big shirt that reads, "Mother of 8." A little shameless self-promotion isn't all bad, is it?
There was a gal who ran near me that stopped to walk several times. She kept passing me when she started running again, then I'd pass her when she stopped to walk. The first time I passed her, I told her she was doing great. Then when she passed me, I said, "See? You're doing awesome!" Her pace was pretty much the same as mine, but as you know, I don't claim to be fast. Just consistent. The fact that I'm still running, even though I spend much of the last six weeks either throwing up or feeling like it, is a major accomplishment.
Evidently, I was fast enough that I beat my family, who showed up at the Brick Oven to cheer me on, only to miss seeing me.
I finally finished. My run-walk friend caught up to me as we headed around the track for the last little bit. "Hey," I teased, "You're not allowed to pass me!" "I won't," she assured me, "you've helped me a lot." I did tell her I was joking and she was welcome to run ahead. As we rounded the last corner of the track, I pulled together all the energy I had, and I sprinted the last 100 meters. That felt good.
My time? 37:31.4 Like I said, I'm not fast. According to my race ticket, I came in 20th in my age bracket and my pace was 12:04 min/mi. Not so shabby for a pregnant 31-year-old who before this summer had never run a mile straight.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Q&A: Finding Time to Read and Blog
From Jacki:
I'm curious how you fit time to blog and read?!! And how do you read without falling asleep (not from a boring book, but because you must be tired!)?At first I was going to answer this question by talking about time management or priorities. We don't have television, for instance, so I don't get sucked in to watching it. I've mostly put aside my design work and sewing and I don't scrapbook very often anymore, leaving more time for reading and blogging.
And I thought about writing about all the things I don't have time for, like keeping my house as clean as I want or organizing the garage or trying new recipes. But then I realized the answer to how I find time to blog and read is simple: It's important to me. And the reason I don't clean out or become a master chef is the opposite: It's not important to me.
I think we all have amazing abilities to fit in what's most important to us. Sometimes we look at another person with a talent different than our own and think, "Well, if I just wasn't so busy . . ." or "How in the world does she find time to do that?" I admire my friends who are always cooking up something new and exciting in their kitchen, for example, and it's tempting to say it's because I'm too busy that I don't do that, but really, it's because I've chosen to focus my efforts on other things. Other friends are amazing with sewing or decorating or celebrating holidays or photography or hosting parties or other wonderful things. Me? I dabble in Photoshop, love to write, and devour books.
Through the years, I have had to give up some of my hobbies or find ways to simplify them. For example, I used to make hardbound books that included scrapbook pages with tons of journaling and all the best pictures. Now, I simply take this blog, my weekly emails, and throw them in a book, adding a few scrapbook pages and lots of the best pictures. The goal of keeping my family history and especially the family stories preserved is met, but it takes less time. I used to sew a lot but I don't anymore. I'm still grateful I have the skills to do it and I hope that somewhere in the distance I might take time for it again, but it's not important enough to me to fit it in now.
Reading is something that's always been as natural as breathing to me, and I do it anytime I have a moment free. I usually have four or five books I'm reading at a time and I tend to leave them around the house. So there's always something close by to read. I read the newspaper after I feed the kids breakfast. If I don't get through it then, I read again after I feed the kids lunch. If I'm still not done, I'll often sit down with a snack after the kids go to bed and finish it then. I know newspapers are a dying breed, and it makes me sad. There's something so satisfying about getting my world, national, and local news every day in print. I hope I never have to change to reading it on the internet.
I try to keep a book or a magazine in my purse so I can steal a few moments to read. I'm a fast reader, and I read the Ensign, National Geographic, Reader's Digest, and the Smithsonian every month as well as mostly non-fiction books. I gave up reading most fiction when my oldest was a baby because I realized I have no self-control when there is a good story involved. I find myself staying up way too late at night to see how something ends or find it's way too easy to read instead of getting the housework done. If I'm reading a fiction book, I almost always finish it within a day or two. With non-fiction, I usually find it easy to put it down after a few pages or a chapter and it doesn't bother me if it takes a month or more to finish.
As for falling asleep, I actually find it hard to sleep unless I read before I go to bed. I try to go to bed around 9:00 so I have time to read the scriptures for a half an hour or so as well as whatever else I'm currently reading. I'll often read for an hour or two before I shut off the light and fall asleep. I enjoy having new ideas and experiences to think about and ponder while I go to sleep. In fact, I think those moments when I settle in and wait for sleep to come are some of my best ones of the day, maybe because I have my thoughts all to myself with only sweet sleep to interrupt.
I really enjoy blogging and I thrive on the opportunity to formulate my thoughts and come up with the right words to express my feelings. Frankly, it's also nice to know I'm interacting with adults -- after talking to kids all day, it's nice to interact in some measure with other mothers.
I get a little thrill knowing that someone's reading my words and it feels wonderful to get comments (insert shameful begging here: I really, really like those comments!).
Most important to me are the times when I've felt like I've been able to be of help and encouragement to others with this blog. It feels great to know that my experiences might lift others.
To find the time for it, I like to hop on the computer for a few minutes here and there during the day, but usually (until morning sickness took over!), I use the time in the evenings after the kids have gone to bed and DH is working to update my blog or read and comment on other people's. I am pretty vigilant about making sure I don't allow the computer to take over my life. I installed TimeTracker on Firefox at the beginning of the year and I keep an eye on how long I'm using the internet, because I know there are lots of other important things I also need to fit into my life.
What are your hobbies and talents? What do you always make time for, no matter how busy you are?
Monday, October 19, 2009
Stuck in the Middle of Nowhere
Last week was our fall break, so we celebrated by heading into the desert, Palm Desert, California, to be exact. None of us had ever been there before, which seemed as good a reason as any to hop into Clifford the Big Red Van and head out.
We spent several days at Joshua Tree National Park. I must admit to some prejudice against the desert.After the beautiful fall we’ve had in Utah so far, it was hard to go to a place that was so brown and ugly, and the drive to Joshua seemed to go through some of the scruffiest desert areas around. However, as we drove into the park, my opinion changed. We got there just before sunset and the park was beautiful, with lots of fascinating rock formations and plants. The variety and sheer number of trees was amazing, and the rocks were lovely in the twilight.
The park is known for its rock-climbing rocks, and my kids had to try them all out. Our one-mile hike took hours because they had to stop and scramble over every rock. It was also fun to wave at the REAL rock-climbers climbing up the sheer faces of even larger rock formations.
Wednesday, we tried to visit an old fluorite mine listed in our rockhounding book, but we got a few surprises. Our rockhounding adventure took us five miles off the freeway on a BLM maintained (or not, as the case may be) dirt track that seemed okay when we headed down it. It got worse and worse as the time went on. For a couple of miles, we felt like we were on the Indiana Jones ride at Disneyland, as DH navigated rut after rut and we bounced all around. Harmony didn’t like it at all, but the rest of us found the whole thing funny and we were laughing and laughing as we bumped up and down. Despite all the bumps and ruts, the road seemed pretty navigable and we were five miles into our six mile trip when we hit a rough patch. First, we had to go down and up a narrow gully. DH took some time to walk around and scope out the situation before he figured out a way to get us through it. He did great, with only a minimum of scraping. Fifty yards further down the trail, however, and we saw the road turn into a huge expanse of sand with deep tracks carved in it. I suggested we stop here and hike the rest of the way. DH wanted to try it (this is where he will point out that the only reason we were on this crazy road in the first place was because it was all MY idea). Ten seconds later, we were stuck, with our tires mired in sand. DH and I tried some initial efforts to dig us out but it quickly became apparent this was not going to be a quick and easy rescue effort. I got the kids out and put Harmony in the Baby Bjorn. Joey set right to work helping DH dig out the back tires, while I took all the kids to a wash nearby to hunt for rocks. We actually found some pretty ones, and Michael found several with iron pyrite (fool’s gold) on them.
DH and I had already said silent prayers, and I was about to gather the kids for a group prayer when we heard the sound of two motorcyclists approaching. Two men hopped off and set right to work helping DH and Joey dig out the piles and piles of sand.
It was amazing. This road was completely deserted. We saw no one on the way in, and no one on the way out, but five minutes after we get stuck, there they were, two men with willing hands and not small experience – one was a Baja truck driver and knew a few things about getting stuck, or rather un-stuck. I gathered some brush from nearby to place under the tires when the sand was finally cleared, and they took about twenty minutes to help dig out a track. Two attempts and lots of brush later, we were no longer stuck. The motorcyclists accepted a cold water bottle and were on their way. I heard one comment to the other about how much time they might have lost. The other one said, “Yeah, but I’ve been stuck before and I’m glad we could help out.” We were very thankful for their help and for their timely arrival. We had plenty of water and food and we would probably have eventually gotten ourselves out, but it would have taken us a whole lot longer. We told the kids that this is why we pray every day!
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
Trophy Mom
Allison brought home some stickers from kindergarten the other day.
"Here, Mommy, you can have one because you're such a good mommy!" I wore it proudly on my shirt.
Thirty minutes later, Allison was in trouble and lost some of her tickets (our discipline system). "You're a MEAN mommy!" she yelled at me, "And now, you have to give the sticker back!"
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Q&A: Child Spacing
Thank you all again for your thoughtful questions. I have seven more to answer, and I will try to get to at least one each week for the next little bit.
Today's question is from Katie:
What is the age difference in your kids, what's the easiest age span, the most difficult, and do you think those qualifications have more to do with months or with specific personalities?
When I was a freshman in high school, my older brother was a senior. We weren't close, but we were good to one another. One day, I was eating lunch with friends in a classroom when he appeared in the doorway, with tears in his eyes. My friends and the teacher in that room scattered, and I held my brother as tears ran down both our cheeks. He'd gotten the results of an important test, and they were devastating to him. He was worried about his future, and he turned for sympathy to his sister. At that moment, I realized the strength in the solid bonds of siblings.
The spacing between my kids is:
Lillian is 18 months exactly older than Joseph.
Joseph is 18 months and one week older than Michael.
Michael is 2 years and 2 months older than Allison and Sarah.
Allison is 7 minutes older than Sarah (but don't tell her that; we tell them they're the same age!)
Sarah and Allison are 2 years and 4 months older than Eliza.
Eliza is 21 months older than Harmony.
Harmony will be 21 months older than our new arrival.
For those of you who are keeping track, that's three in three years, five in five years, and soon to be eight in eleven years.
However, in some ways I've experienced lots of different age spans, because I've been able to see how all of my kids interact with the new baby, not just the youngest. So I've gotten to watch how a three-year-old and a six-year-old respond to a new baby as well as a nine-year-old and I've seen the relationships that develop between my children.
I'm of the opinion that many different spacings work fine. Joseph has a special bond with Eliza, for example, and they are six years apart. Their birthdays are just a few days apart, and when we were asking Joey what he wanted for his birthday that year, his first response was "A new baby!" Even now, three years later, we call Eliza "Joey's birthday present," and tease him that that's why they're so close.
I do think that personalities have a lot to do with the bonds between children. Lillian and Joey had a really hard time getting along his first two years of life. He has a very strong personality, and she wanted to be the leader in their relationship. There was no way he was going to follow her lead! It wasn't until after Michael was born that they finally worked out a truce, and their relationship has been strong ever since. Eliza is so easy-going and endearing that everyone in our family adores her; there is absolutely no rivalry where she is concerned.
I've also found that my children almost always respond very well to the addition of a new baby. Especially in the early years, I used to worry about rivalry and feelings of displacement when the new baby came home, but I think the only hard thing for some of them was that mom was gone for two days at the hospital. They seemed to welcome the new baby with love, or at least indifference. The rivalry I worried about doesn't occur until six months later, when the new baby starts to crawl and range into their territory. Even Eliza, one of my easiest and kindest children, had a tough time when Harmony started crawling. All of a sudden the baby isn't just an object anymore; it's a rival for toys and attention. The change can be overwhelming to a little person secure in her world.
In the short run, it is definitely easier on the mother to have kids further apart. The older the first one is when the next is born, the less work is involved. The older one can entertain themselves, for instance, and even be somewhat helpful with the younger one. In the long run, though, I think there are so many advantages to having children close in age. They can be real friends, be involved in some of the same activities, and really be there for one another. It has been wonderful for me to watch the friendship develop between my children close in age.
But I also understand that planning and spacing our children is both a luxury and often an illusion. Those who have struggled with infertility will tell you of their best plans going by the wayside and about learning to be content with whatever spacing they get. Others will tell you of the wonderful bond between them and a sibling who is much older or younger in age.
It's also interesting to see how birthdays and school spacing enter into the equation. My first three are eighteen months apart, but Lillian is two grades ahead of Joey, and Joey and Michael are just a year apart in school. It's been good for them, as they can share some of their friends and play together at recess sometimes. Eliza and Harmony are almost two years apart in age, but because of the way their birthdays fall in October and August, they will also be just a year apart in school.
In our family, we haven't tried to plan our spacing. I do want my children close in age, partly so I can get them here while I'm still young and strong enough to chase after them, and partly because of the friendships I want them to develop. I remember a doctor asking about one of my pregnancies, "Now, was this a planned pregnancy?" The question took us aback, because, well, it wasn't NOT planned, but it wasn't really planned, either. I know that's an ambivalent answer, but the long and short of it is, we've decided in our family to simply let our children come, trusting that Heavenly Father is wiser than we are. Sometimes that's been sooner than we would have chosen, sometimes later, but we have felt every time that it was the right time.
What's been your experience with the spacing and bonds between your children? How have their personalities entered the equation?
Monday, September 28, 2009
Wow!
Boy, if I was ever tempted to feel like I really was all alone in this cold, cruel world, you all have crushed those feelings by your kind response to my last post! I wish I could reach out to all of you and thank you for your kind words. I'd love to have you all over for lunch at my house, potluck of course, because I'm not really feeling up to cooking much lately!
Lana, you made me laugh with your comment:
OH CHRISTINA!! I am so glad to hear you are normal. I thought for a moment that you were super woman sent here to this earth to show us how you do things so perfectly and positively =)
Let me assure you right now that if I'm super anything, it's super-normal! In fact, if you were to drop by right now, you'd see it for yourself, in the lingering smell of sour milk as we wash the towels we used to clean up the latest disaster -- a full gallon of milk fell to the floor yesterday and burst all over. You'd see it in the piles of projects I have not gotten to yet, the dishes piled in the sink, the baskets of laundry I've yet to fold, the floors that need a good mopping, and my smudgy windows. You'd have seen it yesterday at Church as I spent more time than usual out in the hallway with some misbehaving kids, or this morning when two of my kids would not get dressed and get their room clean in time for school. Or last week, when the snakes I allowed Joey and Allison to keep for a few days escaped their terrarium and I happened upon them slithering on the floor!
In fact, yesterday, I was telling Sarah how much I loved her. Then I said, “But you know what? There’s someone who loves you even more than I do.” She perked right up, “I know! Sister Cooper!” That wasn't who I meant, and I AM glad that Sister Cooper is such a good friend to her, but, well, I guess I need to work on showing her I love her at least as much as Sister Cooper!
I do tend to be positive in this blog. Naturally, I'm a cheerful person and sometimes my life's motto seems to be "Oh, well." I find great joy in my life and I absolutely adore my children. Thanks to those of you who reminded me of what a blessing it is to be a mother.
The other reason I'm mostly positive in the blog, though, is that by the time I'm done handling a really tough day, the last thing I want to do is sit down and tell you all the details! Even if there were time, which is too often in short supply, sometimes it's better to just block it out and remind myself of the positive.
I still wish I knew more families with lots of children (Lori, I remember that mom of 9 -- does she have a blog?), but I'm feeling lots less lonely after your sweet response. Thanks again!
Friday, September 25, 2009
Lonely
So, by now most of you know I'm expecting, this time my eighth child. Reactions to the news have mostly been positive, but there have been a few negative comments and some raised eyebrows. Perhaps I'm just ultra-sensitive, ready to pick up on the least hint of negativity, or perhaps I'm just pregnant and emotional, but I've felt the hurt of it -- the feeling that others are rejecting this baby or judging me.
I've announced my pregnancy to some friends, expecting them to share my excitement and gotten instead shrugged shoulders and a change of subject. I guess I can understand it a bit; after all, I've done this before, so perhaps they think that for me, it's just become routine, like announcing we're buying a new car or going on a vacation, nothing too new or different or exciting.
But to me, this is something to be celebrated. It's exciting and wonderful and miraculous. This child is unique and special, and this is his chance to experience earth life. I believe, as it says in Job, that we were there at the foundations of the world, "when the morning stars sang together, and all the sons of God shouted for joy" (Job 38:7) This child I am welcoming was among them, and I don't think he feels short-changed in any way because his mother has given birth before. This is his time, his place, his chance, his miracle.
Sometimes I feel very lonely, especially for a mentor, for someone who has been there and understands what I'm experiencing. We have more kids than anyone I know personally (at least that's still raising them). I wish I knew lots of moms who had more children, so I could ask them my questions, pour out my heart, and learn from their experiences. Actually, I'd be happy to know just one or two! The internet, with its wonderful, connecting power, helps some, as I've made some friends through blogs and other forums.
But there's something so nourishing about an in-person friendship. A phone call, a walk, sitting together at a park or in a living room and really understanding one another. I do understand that I have a lot to learn from women whose experiences are different from my own, but it often seems that I am left on the outside of friendships with those who have fewer children, even when we're the same age. We don't get invited to dinner or to join in activities. Again, I get it; seven kids is a lot to invite over, and surely, that mom with seven is far enough along in life that she's plenty busy and doesn't need your friendship. We tend to congregate around those who are at the same stage of life as we are in. Most of the moms who live around me have two or three children, so it's natural they tend to band together and enjoy each other.
But where does that leave me? There are not an abundance of large families nearby for me to band together with! In fact, a recent article reported that according to the 2006 census, just .5 percent, or one mother in two hundred, has more than seven children. No wonder I'm beginning to feel as if I'm the only person in the world with more than six kids! I understand a lot of the reasons there aren't more large families, from the pressure to fit into the world's standards of acceptable to the very real financial, emotional, and health concerns to the pain of infertility. The fact is, even if a couple wanted to have a lot of children and eschewed birth control, many would never have eight children. A hundred years ago, there were a lot of large families of eight, ten, and even twelve or more children, yes, but there were also families of one, two, or none.
I'm really not complaining (Okay, maybe I am, a little). And I should point out that I have been blessed with good friendships. One of my best friends has six children and is the one I call or walk with when life gets just a bit too tough. Another of my best friends lives in New York, and thanks to email, our friendship has survived eleven years, through several moves, her life in Sweden and Israel, and soon-to-be thirteen births between us. Some of my other friends send me quick notes in response to my weekly emails or lift me in other ways. I am so grateful for the good people around me.
But sometimes, I feel lonely.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
What I Believe -- My Foundation for Living, Part One
There are a lot of people reading my blog (I know because I spy on them via my Sitemeter). Most don't comment, but some do (thank you! It always makes me day when you do!). Some of my readers I know in real life and others are strangers to me. Still others are friends I just haven't met yet.
Some, like me, are members of my Church and the terminology and foundation for my life are understood. Many others are not LDS, but belong to other denominations. By and large, most are women of faith, and I have been so impressed with the wonderful women I have met through blogging.
I've been thinking about writing a post like this for a long time, explaining my beliefs. For one thing, Mormons aren't always well understood and sometimes assumptions are made that aren't accurate. For another, I'm always curious about what others believe, but sometimes I'm afraid to ask for fear of offending that person or showing my ignorance.
Finally, my faith forms the deepest part of me and influences all the decisions I make as a person, as a mother, and as a wife. My beliefs form the foundation for my life. Since this blog is about my life, I've tried to never shy away from appropriately sharing things of a spiritual nature.
So I've decided to share my basic beliefs, inviting you to ask me anything else that might be of interest to you. I promise I will try to answer any sincere questions. (If you want to insult me or debate me, however, I will probably just delete your comment. I have to say that because of the small number of weirdos out there.)
I'll present my beliefs in two parts, the first, my beliefs in the gospel of Jesus Christ, and the second, my beliefs about the family. I realize, of course, that faith is not so easily compartmentalized and there will be overlap in what I write.
So, without further introduction, here are some of my fundamental beliefs:
1. I believe in Jesus Christ. He is my Savior and the light and life of the world. He atoned for my sins and suffered that all mankind might be able to repent and return one day to our Heavenly Home. "Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit—and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink— Nevertheless, glory be to the Father, and I partook and finished my preparations unto the children of men." (D&C 19:18-19)
He is the Son of God, with power to lay down his life and take it up again. He was resurrected on the third day, and through him, all will one day be resurrected.
He went about doing good and entreats us to do the same. He called, "Come, follow me," and He is my guide and example. He declared, "If ye love me, keep my commandments," (John 14:15) and "Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these, my brethren, ye have done it unto me." (Matt. 25:40). I try to live my life the way he showed, by loving others and giving myself to selfless, patient, humble service.
He performed miracles when he was on the earth. He had power to heal the sick, raise the dead, and make the blind to see. He has that same power to heal, touch, and teach today. My heart has been healed, my eyes have been opened, and my life has been richly blessed by following his teachings.
Jesus Christ lives. He will once more come to earth, this time to reign and rule in wisdom and love. After his resurrection, Christ ministered among the church in his time for forty days. He ascended in glory, and two angels appeared, declaring, "Ye men of Galilee, why stand ye gazing up into heaven? this same Jesus, which is taken up from you into heaven, shall so come in like manner as ye have seen him go into heaven."
2. I believe in prayer. I believe that God listens and hears my prayers of gratitude, of supplication, and even of desperation. He answers them, as a loving Father does the pleadings of his child. He does not take away all pain or anguish because He knows that we need hard times in order to grow. But He who notes the sparrow's fall also knows of our every tear and hears each word of every prayer. He has given me strength in times of weakness and comfort in times of my deepest sorrows.
God has a purpose for each of us on earth, and through prayer, we can receive wisdom and help through all of our problems and concerns. Through prayer, I have been directed in my life. I have been warned of danger, received counsel, felt need of change, learned more of God, and received guidance for decisions both small and large. Not every prayer has been answered in the way I hoped, but they have all been answered.
Through prayer, we come to know our loving Father and His Son Jesus Christ. As we seek His will and pray to know and do it, we find ourselves growing in every way. "Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, raise up friends, and pour out peace." (Ezra Taft Benson, Jesus Christ -- Gifts and Expectations)
3. I believe in scriptures. They are not simple stories without basis in reality intended for us to draw life lessons from, like Aesop's fables. Instead, they are the records of God's dealings with His children. In reading and studying them, we come to know the nature of God, His goodness, His justice, and His mercy. They were never intended to sit on the shelf next to the dictionary, available simply as a reference book from time to time. They are to be studied, sought after, and drawn from. I have studied the scriptures nearly every day since I was 14, and my life has been enriched as a result.
I love the Old Testament, with its stories of brave and bold men and women, choosing to follow God against the sophistries of the world. I love reading of Esther, whose faith and courage saved her people because she listened to the words, "who knoweth whether thou art come to the kingdom for such a time as this?" I love reading of Hannah, who prayed for a child, and of Samuel, who heard the voice of the Lord while still very young. I've had this picture displayed in my home for years, to help remind me that God speaks to children.
I love the New Testament with its powerful testimony of the life and mission of Christ. I love reading of Paul's conversion and his boldness in declaring what he knew to be true. I love reading of the miracles of Jesus Christ and his tender care. "Suffer the little children to come unto me and forbid them not, for of such is the kingdom of heaven." (Matt. 19:14, Mark 10:14, Luke 18:16).
I also love the Book of Mormon, which is another testament of Jesus Christ and his dealings and ministry among the people who lived on the American continent. It was translated by Joseph Smith, and contains stories of many of my heroes, people like Nephi, Moroni, Jared, and Abinidi, who gave his life for the gospel of Jesus Christ.
The crowning testimony in the Book of Mormon is its narration of the events of Christ's ministry to the people of the Americas after His resurrection. He told them, "And verily I say unto you, that ye are they of whom I said: Other sheep I have which are not of this fold; them also I must bring, and they shall hear my voice; and there shall be one fold, and one shepherd." He taught them the teachings in the Sermon on the Mount. He called for their lame, their blind and crippled and He healed them. "He took their little children, one by one, and blessed them, and prayed unto the Father for them." (3 Nephi 17:21)
Reading the Book of Mormon has brought me closer to God. But you don't have to take my word for it. There are many, many missionaries in my Church (serving at their own expense, I might add) anxious to share this gift with the world. If you find our clean-cut missionaries scary, however, you could also order a free copy or read it online. I think you'll find it is much different than you expect, and very familiar to those who have read the Bible.
At the most, it could change your life for the better. And at the very least, you'll understand the LDS faith a little better. (Incidentally, I'm always surprised by those who want to dissuade me or debate my faith who have not taken the time to read the Book of Mormon. I mean, really, if someone wanted to save me from the error of my ways, it might help if they understood a little bit about what those ways are!)
3. I believe in prophets and apostles. The Lord's Church has always been led by prophets. "Surely the Lord God will do nothing, but he revealeth his secret unto his servants the prophets." (Amos 3:7) . Prophets are called of God and are set apart by the power of God. One of the articles of faith in my Church states, "We believe in the same organization that existed in the Primitive Church, namely, apostles, prophets, pastors, teachers, evangelists, and so forth."
4. I believe in priesthood. The priesthood is the power to act in God's name. It includes the power to baptize, the power to heal, and the power to lead the Lord's Church on the earth. A person cannot call himself to the priesthood. "And no man taketh this honour unto himself, but he that is called of God, as was Aaron." (Hebrews 5:4) Aaron was called of God and annointed by Moses and set apart to have the power of God. (see Exodus 40:15).
5. I believe there was a falling away from the truths of the gospel. After Christ's death and the days of the apostles, there was a falling away from the truth. Division and contention and the killing of the prophets and apostles resulted in the loss of the priesthood. The Lord's true Church was taken from the earth because of the apostasy and unbelief of the people. Many truths remained, and many good people lived according to the light they had, but the Lord's true Church was not upon the earth. This was prophesied of in the Bible. "Behold, the days come, saith the Lord God, that I will send a famine in the land, not a famine of bread, nor a thirst for water, but of hearing the words of the Lord" (Amos 8:11) "Let no man deceive you by any means: for that day shall not come [the Second Coming], except there come a falling away first, and that man of sin be revealed, the son of perdition" (2 Thes 2:3)
Many good men over the years have recognized the loss of revelation and the need for greater communication between God and men. I believe that the Reformation was divinely inspired by good men who did a great work in spreading the word of God among many.
6. I believe in restoration. Specifically, I believe that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the restoration of the Church of Jesus Christ. Because many of the plain and precious truths of the Lord's gospel were lost during the dark ages of the world, it was necessary for God to restore again to the earth that which was lost.
As a boy living in upstate New York, Joseph Smith was greatly impressed by the religious excitement in his day. He wanted nothing more than to find the true Church of God. He attended many meetings and listened to many different interpretations of the gospel. He wrote,
“So great were the confusion and strife among the different denominations, that it was impossible for a person young as I was . . . to come to any certain conclusion who was right and who was wrong. . . . In the midst of this war of words and tumult of opinions, I often said to myself: What is to be done? Who of all these parties are right; or, are they all wrong together? If any one of them be right, which is it, and how shall I know it?” (Joseph Smith—History 1:8, 10 ).
As he read in the Bible, he was greatly impressed by James 1:5 "“If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him” He wrote of this experience,"Never did any passage of scripture come with more power to the heart of man than this did at this time to mine. It seemed to enter with great force into every feeling of my heart. I reflected on it again and again, knowing that if any person needed wisdom from God, I did; for how to act I did not know, and unless I could get more wisdom than I then had, I would never know; for the teachers of religion of the different sects understood the same passages of scripture so differently as to destroy all confidence in settling the question by an appeal to the Bible.Joseph went to a grove of trees nearby and there was visited by God the Father and Jesus Christ, who told him that none of the churches on the earth contained the fulness of the gospel. From thence, through this new prophet, God proceeded to restore His Church to the earth.At length I came to the conclusion that I must either remain in darkness and confusion, or else I must do as James directs, that is, ask of God. I at length came to the determination to “ask of God,” concluding that if he gave wisdom to them that lacked wisdom, and would give liberally, and not upbraid, I might venture."(Joseph Smith -- History)
Many have taught that the heavens are closed and that prophets and apostles only existed in the past, not for our day. But we believe that prophets still speak to us and that God's Church is restored. Now, as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we understand that this is a strange belief to some and that many are skeptical of our claims. Our last prophet, President Gordon B. Hinckley, said this:7. I believe in personal revelation. One of the hallmarks of our Church is that we believe that God can and does speak to his children. We believe that He answers our prayers and gives us knowledge. Just as a belief in God may seem preposterous to those who have not felt His love and power in their lives, our beliefs may seem unusual to those who have not learned about them."We declare without equivocation that God the Father and His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ, appeared in person to the boy Joseph Smith.
When I was interviewed by Mike Wallace on the 60 Minutes program, he asked me if I actually believed that. I replied, “Yes, sir. That’s the miracle of it.”
That is the way I feel about it. Our whole strength rests on the validity of that vision. It either occurred or it did not occur. If it did not, then this work is a fraud. If it did, then it is the most important and wonderful work under the heavens." (The Marvelous Foundation of our Faith)
If you were ever to meet with our missionaries, you would find that the foundation of our belief in Joseph Smith and the restoration does not rest on external evidences, though we have those in abundance, but on a personal witness from the Holy Ghost. After the apostles spent time walking with the resurrected Jesus and not understanding who he was, the scriptures record "And their eyes were opened, and they knew him; and he vanished out of their sight. And they said one to another, Did not our heart burn within us, while he talked with us by the way, and while he opened to us the scriptures? (Luke 24:31-32)
In the same way those apostles received a witness of Jesus Christ, we believe that God can and will speak to any of His children who seek Him. "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him." (James 1:5)
I truly believe that the heavens are open, that God speaks to us through prophets and apostles, and that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God who teaches us of Jesus Christ and his marvelous gospel. How can I believe it? Because I have studied it and asked God for a witness and He has given it to me. I have felt of His love and His goodness in my life. All that is good in my life has been brought to me because of my faith in Jesus Christ and his Church.
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Thank you for reading my feelings about my faith. I had much more I wanted to say, but I think this post is long enough. In a few weeks, I will post "What I Believe About Families -- My Foundation for Living, Part Two." If you have questions about my faith, I would be happy to answer them, or you might find a friend who is a member and ask her your questions. We love to share our beliefs, though we may hang back at times because we don't want to seem pushy.
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